Rough Patches Suck

I'm having a rough patch. Lots of things bubbling around and tumbling around in my head. So, I haven't really been that interested in blogging or doing much besides panicking. Wheeeeeeeeee.... Sigh. But, I dunno, today is a bit of a breakthrough. I got another of my 101 Things list checked off. I went for a bike ride with no prompting or anything! Plus, I have plans in place to sit down and maybe resolve some stuff or get a plan in place. I'm really in the mood to play with make up tonight as well...so perhaps I will. Even though I'm going nowhere. :( Though, I'm not sure if I will since my face is not liking me and I'm recovering from upset skin and zits (I thought I was supposed to grow *out* of those damn things).

So, I suppose I'm asking for your forgiveness (to those who actually read this...). I'm dealing with a bunch of things right now.

I wasn't able to attend school this semester. While CRC has been fucking me over I really wanted to at least take one class. It was intermediate photography, which would've been great because a) it would've taught me color photo developing as well as reinforcing my black and white developing skills. b) it would've taught me about studio lighting. That second one is most important (as I mainly shoot digital now, though I do have a love for black and white) seeing as I would like to open my own studio, mainly just for fun and perhaps a bit of extra play money.

My plans to be the model in photography (I'm forcing myself to push my boundaries and be comfortable in front of the camera as well as behind) keep kinda falling through. Especially the one I want to do in the bay area, great excuse to go to East West Bookstore at the same time. >.>

I'm being incredibly frustrated at my lack of success finding work. It's been over a year with no luck. It's a key element to moving upwards and onwards. I have so many plans and struggling to find ways to get them to work out.

Cal and I made a list of goals for this year, we have the list (& I even managed to get a goal achieved already! Go me!) but haven't made the plans of how to achieve them yet. That is bugging me to no end.

Other personal matters and stress are making me even more agitated and sleep less.

I'm hoping to be able to get things resolved enough that I can try to get back on track with things. Wish me luck!