Party of Train Wreck

I'm not sure why I made a blog, perhaps I missed talking to myself with the hopes someone else reads it and validates me! But I know I need validation from no one else, now if only that sunk into the brain, right? I have no rants of significance, just my very ordinary moderately privileged life.

The past couple days I've been a bit of an emotional trainwreck, suppose that's the most...pg phrase that comes to mind. Events/things/explosions that I feel I should be over, I'm still limping along like a victim of war. Never been hurting this long after events...there were more tendrils of challenge than usual, but one would still think after half a year it wouldn't damn well hurt. But...it does daily and then days like these past few, it's hurt more then the mild twinge. I feel that too much time has passed to get resolution, why open up others wounds, granted I'm not sure there are wounds, possibly just anger. I know, I'm still plenty angry, hurt, confused, but...I still have moments where I miss it. NOT the complications, NOT the way it worked, just...I dunno....

Then add in, complications that never got resolved and I proceeded to stuff under the rug to focus on other things have just made other things worse. Talking that out was interesting, went better than expected. We'll see how it goes though. Not just me that gets to work with it, but I'm hoping it'll help in other areas of life.

Oh! Plus! My pop had knee surgery as most people know by now, mom went up to visit her sister-in-law and see Avenue Q (I am jealous) leaving me to man the babysitting duties. He's antsy and pushing things he shouldn't be doing. Plus being on call all day is an added stress. Which, is why I've most likely become a trainwreck. We missed dance this week because I messed up the timing of dinner and I needed to feed pop. We still got out of the house, but...we never did dance. And though I suck at it, it's...a retreat, it's something that takes me out of where I am. Because I am not happy or content where I am. Final moving destination may have changed as well. I need to look at California cities now...relationships are compromise I know...and I have strange requirements, lol. Must have good public transportation (I hate driving), weather must be on the cooler side, I have to like the atmosphere, there must be something to do every week! *sigh*

This is not a pity party for one, or an out cry for love & affection (though I will not turn it down). I kept things vague as things are not solely mine to tell. If I love you & you don't know what the bleep is going on message me.